let me tell you a tale — The day she fell in love
Love can be clear as crystal and precise as time. It can be a very strong feeling you can sense far away before it comes. It can be the exact same feelings that never change no matter how often you experience it. So noticeable you can’t hide it, and you can’t deny it either. Love can be so easy, sometimes. So easy to understand you don’t have to take a look twice to know what it is. Love can be predictable, sometimes. So predictable to the point you can easily avoid it.
But most of the time, love is an abstract concept. You can’t have an exact definition, you can’t have an exact description. Sometimes you don’t even understand it at all. You can’t fully understand love, for it is an indefinite emotion—timeless, structureless, and limitless.
Love works in unique, unpredictable ways. You can’t always know, when and how you fall in love. It is a universal emotion, yet no one experiences it the same way as another. Sometimes, it is the classic heart-fluttering moments and silly feelings in your stomach upon a simple action. It can be the adoration in the eyes and cheeky smiles when the eyes meet each other; or the safety, comfort, and warmth being shared under a tight hug. Sometimes, it is the pain and fear of losing that make you realize you’re in love. Sometimes, it can be a basketball match on a random afternoon.
Their relationship, too, worked in a unique way.
When Mentari first met Heksa Samudera Khagi, he was just a nice friend whom she enjoyed to spent time with. They greeted each other whenever they crossed paths. They talked often; asking about each other’s well-being and what each’s been up to. He recommended her places to eat around the campus and she keeps him updated about her cozy coffee shops list. They joked around sometimes and wished each other a speedy recovery whenever one of them got sick. They were just casual friends who enjoy spending time with each other. They never stepped out of boundaries. But then again, was there even a clear boundary? To be frank, there was never a clear boundary between them, wasn’t it? There were no clear boundaries between them just like how there were no definite measurements of their relationship. They were too close to be friends, too risky to be friends. But was it a romantic interest then? Was it romantic interest since the beginning?
She didn’t know either. All she knew was she did fall for him.
If she was being asked why or how she fall in love with Samudera Khagi, many would expect a cliche answer. She fell in love because she saw another side of him that nobody know. She fell in love with him because she wanted to save him. She fell in love with him because she wanted to be a place for him to lean on, someone he could call home. A cliche savior complex trope of a relationship.
But no, that wasn’t and never the reason she fell in love.
It was not a cliche love story where one character fell in love after seeing the other character’s “other side”. She did not fall in love with him because she wanted to save him. She did not fall in love because she wanted to be his savior. Her love worked in an unpredictable predictable way. She fell in love with him due to natural causes. His smile, his laugh, his way of telling stories, his kindness as well as his menace. She fell in love during the time they spent together — during the supposed friendly talks, friendly hangouts, and friendly acts. She was already fallen by then.
If being asked specifically, about how she fell in love with Samudera Khagi, she would say it was that day. It was the day when she came to watch his basketball match.
Summer was supposed to end but it seemed like they were being clingy and wanted to hang around longer. The sun was blazing hot right in the middle of the clear blue sky. There was no single cloud around as if they were being intimidated by the almighty sun. The weather was hot enough to make you want to lock yourself in an air-conditioned room. However, people here seemed unbothered. A few people were using the outdoor gym, some were running tracks, and some others were having a nice conversation under the trees. The weather did not stop Mentari from coming to the gymnasium area either. The heat from the sun did not intimidate her enough to stop her from the 150 meters walk from her faculty building to the indoor court in the gymnasium complex.
She planted in her mind that her purpose was to take her Airpods back. She came all the way here, ignoring the hot weather and the distance she had to go through because she needed her Airpods. Although deep down, she knows damn well she could survive without them. She knew damn well it is not the Airpods she wanted to see. It was Samudera Khagi. It was the thought of seeing Samudera Khagi in jerseys all sweaty from playing basketball that excited her. It was the thought of seeing him that excited her.
Mentari was not a casual liar, but she definitely lied when she said Samudera had defeated her curiosity. The truth was, her curiosity only grew bigger and deeper — toward a different direction. She thought her curiosity would be actually defeated, though. She thought she would be satisfied as soon as she heard a convincing answer from him. She thought she would okay herself and then proceed to become causal friends with him again. But every answer he gave to her only triggers other questions to arise. If he likes sports, then how good he is at it? If he loves noodle dishes, then can he cook them? If he likes vibrant greens, then how about cobalt blue or mandarin orange? Did he want to be a doctor because he wanted to save people? If he rejected flowers and confessions from people he barely knew, then how about those he knew well? Did he have someone to take care of him when he was sick? Why did he hang out with her?
She had so many questions about him — and maybe some questions for herself. Why couldn’t she stop being curious about him? Why couldn’t she stop herself from wanting to know more about him? Why didn’t she stop herself?
Mentari dodged all those questions in her brain as soon as she stepped inside the indoor court. She looked around to take in her surroundings. The room was not full at all but was crowded enough for a casual basketball match between students. Audiences scattered all over the small tribune, but most sat as close as possible to the court. Loud chatters come from every direction, filling her ears. She could catch a few words; basketball, winner, best player. Everyone seem to be excited to support their chosen team. Apparently, it was a casual match between the Business faculty and the Law faculty. Not knowing anyone there, she chose to sit at the top end of the tribune. Grouping at the courtside, she could see people wearing jerseys. They were the players. Her eyes immediately scanned for a familiar figure, which she found immediately.
Heksa Samudera Khagi was standing there wearing a red-themed jersey on top of his white t-shirt and a pair of knee-length shorts. The number 18 printed on his back which raised another question in her head. Why did he choose 18 as his jersey number? Was it a number he pick randomly or did it hold a special meaning to him? But she dodged the question again as soon as he turned around and proceed to scan the room as if looking for someone. She crossed her legs and leaned in on her seat, using her hand as a support for her chin, taking a closer look at him. She observed the curious-looking Samudera Khagi, feeling curious herself about who was this someone he was looking for. She tried to follow his gaze thinking she might be able to find someone he was looking for, only to realize that the someone was her. She followed his gaze until it land on her — until their gaze met each other. A smile formed on his face upon the meeting gaze. He put his index and middle together into a salute gesture and he threw it in her direction.
And for an unknown reason, she was flustered.
She was flustered to the point she couldn’t even return the smile. She only sat there with a blank expression while processing what just happened. Before she could react much, the game started. Mentari was not a sports enthusiast so she definitely knew nothing about the notion of a basketball match. She knew the basic rules she learned back in high school, but not to the point where she could point out mistakes and faults among the players. Nevertheless, she enjoyed the match — or the view.
Samudera Khagi wasn’t lying when he said he is good at sports. His performance today said it all. He moved fast yet precisely, he managed to always find the perfect spot to block the ball. He never misses his passing and receiving. There was no sign of unenthusiasm showing on his face. There was only passion and spirit plastered on his focused face while he dribbled the orange ball. The iron-deficient Samudera Khagi turned into an agile basketball player, and basically a ball game master. Seeing how his team reacted, it seem like a common occurrence. He’s definitely an ace.
She watched him closely as he moved around what she recalled as a 3-point arc, two opponents blocking him. The audience was thrilled at the sight, betting whether he would be able to shoot a score. Mentari clasped her hands together while he was preparing to throw the ball, unconsciously getting into the game; and forgetting the fact that she was supposed to be here for her Airpods. The atmosphere was filled with suspense as he raised the ball in his hand, ready to throw a shot. And he did. Samudera Khagi scored a 3-point shoot with ease. The audience cheered, and his team members patted his back. He looked around and found her eyes once again. He threw a two-fingers salute once again while giving her a slyly confident smile. He threw shot after shot and managed to score a significant number for his team — and he threw a salute in her direction each time he scored. She sat far at the top of the tribune, but somehow, his eyes always met hers. She was far but he always found her. He did so until the very last minute of the game when he threw his final shoot and scored once again, bringing victory to his team. He threw a smile at her while giving a quick salute before heading back to the courtside along with his team. People there probably did not know to whom his smile was directed, but he knew. He only had one target and that was no other than Mentari.
And an unknown reason, she felt this tingling fluttering sensation in her stomach.
“Padahal nunggu di dalem aja, di luar panas.” Was the first thing Heksa blurted when approached her outside the court building. He had changed his attire into his casual outfit, a windbreaker and a pair of trousers. Seeing how fresh he looked plus the half-wet hair, he probably took a quick shower right after the match. A sweet woody-vanilla scent filled her nose as soon as he stood in front of her. She greeted him with a smile.
“Biar jadi meet me behind the mall—or basketball arena.”
The both of them let out soft laughter. The sun was not as blazing as before and the cloud has gathered to protect them from the direct heat. The weather is much calmer compared to before. Maybe it is the monsoon season coming.
“Ini.” He pulled a small white-colored plastic box from his sling bag. It was her Airpods. “Besok-besok dinamain aja kali ya biar nggak ketuker lagi.”
She took her Airpods from his hand and gave ones in her bag to him. They stood in comfortable silence for a brief moment. In that few seconds, she took a better look at him. His damp hair was tousled in several directions, telling her that it wasn’t dried properly. A hint of tiredness showed on his face as the result of going all out during the game. But there was no trace of sweat or dirt, he really looked fresh out of the shower. Another question popped into her head. He just finished a basketball match but how could he still look this pretty?
“Narsis banget hari ini.” She started a conversation to kill the silence. Her remark invited an immediate laugh from him.
“Hahahahaha.” Like usual, his laugh was soft as melodies she felt like she could make a song with it. She let out a soft chuckle along with him. Their laugh stopped briefly after. He ruffled his hair before responding. “Biar keren-nya maksimal.”
“Nggak bisa ngebantah juga sih.” She nodded her head. Her brain did a short flashback on the basketball match and how he looked like a main character from a sport anime. “Beneran jago banget dan keren. Nggak heran kalau banyak yang naksir sampai kirim bunga dan cokelat.”
At this point, who wouldn’t fall for him, really? Despite his mysterious image and lowkey life, he was far from being intimidating — not even cold as ice. He was warmhearted, nice, funny, and hardworking; he was good at sports, and pretty, on top of that. She used the word pretty because she thought that word describes him the best. He was good-looking, yes. But it was not the type of basic masculine good-looking. He was pretty in a way a scenery looked like. He was pretty in the sense of several aspects being well-put-together it created aesthetic pleasure for the eyes. And she wondered if he was always been this pretty or if he suddenly looked pretty in her eyes — or she just never realize it before, never pay attention to it before.
And for an unknown reason, she felt hypnotized by his beauty.
“Kok ngelamun.” All of her thought vanished onto the back of her head once again when he snapped a finger in front of her. She didn’t even realize she was zoned out.
“Eh iya…” She smiled sheepishly. “Kamu ngomong apa tadi?”
“Aku nanya habis ini kamu kemana, Mentari?” He repeated the question that she missed before. She didn’t have any plans after this. After finishing her morning class today, her only plan was to take her Airpods (and watch his basketball match), and that’s it. She was probably going to head home, had lunch, and spent the rest of the day drawing sketches and sketches. Pulang was the only answer she has to blurt out, but rather than giving the answer, she replied with another question.
“Kamu mau kemana, Samudera?” She asked. She tried to make her question sound as neutral as possible. She made it sound like it wasn’t a genuine question but rather a chit-chat kind of question. She tried to make it sound like she was just stalling to avoid silence and awkwardness — when in reality she was stalling to avoid an end to their conversation. For an unknown reason, she didn’t want their conversation to end, yet. At that very same time, his teammates which she assumed to be his friends walked out of the building together a few meters from them. “Ah, kumpul sama temen-temen ya?”
And for an unknown reason, she felt a little bit disappointed at the thought.
“Kalau kamu pulang ya aku nyamperin mereka, kalau enggak ya aku nemenin kamu.” He answered calmly and nonchalantly as if it wasn’t a big deal. Well, it wasn’t a big deal to skip a hangout agenda with your friends to hang out with another friend, wasn’t it? “Biar nggak ilang.”
“Ilang apanya…Aku juga anak kampus sini ya.”
“Hahahaha…aku nggak enak aku yang bikin kamu jauh-jauh kesini, masa aku tinggalin.” He used a serious tone again. “Mana aku juga yang pertama salah ngambil Airpods sampai ketuker. Anggap kupon minta maaf deh.”
And her disappointment was washed away by joy.
“Kalau gitu, mau nyari makan?”
The two of them walked side by side along the pathway in an alley filled with local businesses. There are coffee shops, a small convenience store, goodies shops, and several small restaurants and kiosks. They had lunch in small Indonesian cuisine restaurants. Now they are heading to a book cafe to digest their food. It was an already known fact that each enjoy the other’s companion. Hence, all the talks and friendly hangouts. She knew she always enjoyed his companion, hence she always reached out to him. Judging from his attitude and actions, he surely always enjoyed her companion too. Or else they wouldn’t be walking side by side with soft laughs and giggles.
“Kamu sering jalan-jalan gini, nggak, Samudera?” That was one of the questions she asked him as they headed to the cafe.
“Kalau lagi nggak mager.” He answered as he opened the door and held it for her. He let her walk in first, then followed after.
“Kamu itu keliatan mageran, tapi juga keliatan kayak social person.” They headed to the second floor to find a cozy empty spot. Again, he let her walk first. Mentari chose the corner seat, as it seemed to be the most comfortable one. “Kayak apa ya…kayak orang yang semua orang itu kenal, dan semua orang suka, dan acara apapun kalau ada kamu nya, pasti semua orang jadi mau ikut—like the life of the party.”
“Sejauh ini emang aku belum dapet review jelek sebagai temen, tapi nggak nyampe segitunya juga ah.” His lips formed a tight smile as he shook his head lightly. Even though he was being all confident — and a little bit narcist — when he played basketball earlier, humbleness was surely one of his top personality. He had a lot, as in he achieved and gained a lot, yet he dodged compliments given to him most of the time. But that just raised another question of why didn’t he see himself objectively. She didn’t have the chance to respond because a few seconds later, the pager on the table rang, notifying them that their orders were ready. He took the token-shaped pager and stood up. “Aku ambil pesenan dulu ya.”
He came back minutes later with a tray of their drinks. A latte for him and an iced lemon tea for her. He put the tray gently on the table and handed the drink to her, in which she commented that he looked like he was working there. They sat in comfortable silence for a moment enjoying their drinks as well as the calm ambience of the cafe. But no matter how many things flowed in her brain, her mind always came back to him. To the man sitting in front of her. She had discovered many things about him. She spent the last month discovering as many things as she could about him. Yet again, every answer only leads to another question. This time, it was how many times he spent a casual hang out in a cafe like this. Heksa was never a social media person, so she could barely get information about him unless she asked him herself. He was never the type to overshare either and he would only tell as much as he was being asked — and as much as he wanted to answer.
“Aku jarang liat kamu main, like hangouts in general, kayaknya.” She put down her glass and started a conversation again. He did the same and turned his gaze at her, who was already looking in his direction.
“I don’t have that many friends.” He answered simply, leg-crossed and hand folded loosely on his torso.
“Kenapa?” She leaned in a little as a sign showing interest. But as soon as she threw the question, she corrected herself. “Ah, kalau terlalu personal nggak usah dijawab.”
“Emang introvert aja. Aku bisa ramah sama semua orang, bisa akrab sama semua orang — kalau mau, tapi aku nggak tertarik buat punya banyak temen. Koneksi? Tertarik banget. Tapi kalau temen? Kayaknya sedikit aja cukup. Sedikit aja, yang baik, yang seru.”
And for an unknown reason, she felt happy to hear that.
No, not because he didn’t have many friends, but the fact that she was one of the many friends he had. And the fact that among seemingly many people who wanted to get to know him, she got to sit across from him in a cafe while enjoying a refreshing glass of lemon tea. Because among many people who crossed paths with him, she was included among the ones who walked along with him, at least.
Reaching the beginning of November, everyone is getting ready to greet the monsoon season. A season where you cannot really predict the weather. It could be blazing hot in the afternoon followed by a thunder rain shortly after. It could be freezing cold and all gloomy in the morning, but hot as dessert when the sun reached the top. If we think about it, human emotions are like monsoon season, aren’t they? You might know, you might sense something is coming but still get caught off guard anyway. You might know something is coming but still act surprised anyway.
Love, too, is like a monsoon season.
It might work in a unique way, in an unpredictable way. It might also work in a cliche, basic, unpredictable way. It might come in the most familiar way you can sense it from miles away, but you choose not to be aware of it.
She chose not to be aware of it — of the emotions, of her feelings towards him.
“Kamu main basket rutin atau kalau lagi pengen aja?” Her curiosity led them to a never-ending conversation. Even as they walked from the book cafe, ready to head back to campus, she still had a lot to ask of him.
“Ada yang aku ikutan rutin, kayak tanding yang tadi. Tapi kalau cuma main biasa, aku ikut kalau ada waktu aja.”
“Aku boleh nonton lagi lain kali?” She asked in a nonchalant tone while pretending to be focused on the road. Hiding the hope of hearing a yes from him. It wasn’t just watching his basketball match, actually. But also their little hangout, their never-ending conversation, and basically every activity they did together. She hoped and she wished she could get more of them. For what reason though, she wasn’t sure.
“Ya boleh, nggak ada yang bisa larang juga kecuali rektor.” His answer brought a smile to her face. “Mau jadi supporter tetap juga boleh.”
“What about hanging out together? Kayaknya aku nanya nya mau atau enggak, dan jarang nanya suka atau enggak, enjoy atau enggak.” This time she turned her face at him to see his expression. She expected him to at least contemplate a bit, but he gave her an instant answer.
“Kalau aku nggak mau atau nggak suka ya aku nggak akan ada disini sekarang, Tar.”
Or maybe she was very sure about her reason. She just took too long to be sure about it, to realize it.
In a short span of time, she felt several different emotions rushing one after another. First, it was the fluttering feeling when she saw his smile, then it was the weird tingles in her stomach, and finally, it arrived: a pounding heart. And those weren’t unfamiliar feelings at all, not because she had experienced them before but because she felt them before — because she had been experiencing those feelings and emotions for quite a while, honestly. Maybe, all those feelings and emotions weren’t caused by an unknown reason at all. Maybe, like how she saw the monsoon season coming, she also saw those symptoms coming. The symptoms of falling in love.
She fell in love with Samudera Khagi.
“Ah, hujan…” She stretched out her hand and felt soft raindrops fall on her palm. Without giving people time to fully prepare themselves, the rain suddenly gets more intense. Mentari put her hands above her head in reflex to protect her from the rain. She immediately scanned the area for any possible shelter. Just as the rain gets thicker, she felt something shield over her head. She looked up and found a black umbrella held by no other than Samudera Khagi, who was looking at her with a proud smile.
“Sedia payung sebelum hujan.”
“Thank you.”
“Nah itu ada toko tutup, kita bisa berteduh di depannya.” He pointed to a closed shop that has a wide canopy at the front facade. They fasten their walk so they can reach the said place quicker, as the rain was starting to get more intense. They let out a relieved breath when they arrived. Heksa closed his umbrella while Mentari was checking her bag to see if anything get wet. “Nggak basah kan?”
After that, they stood in comfortable silence, accompanied by the sound of rain. Like how you know it is about time for the rain to fall during monsoon season, it is also only about time she realizes her feelings for him — no, actually, it was always about time she realize it. The possibility was always there; it wasn’t out of the ordinary at all. If anything it would be impossible for her to not fall for him. It would be impossible to fall for someone like him.
Amidst her thought, she suddenly felt the softness of a fabric material being put on her body. She looked around and realized Heksa put his jacket on her.
“Ini kok?” She looked at him full of confusion.
“Jaga-jaga aja sebelum bajunya kebasahan semua.”
How could she not fall in love? How couldn't she, really, when the man is Heksa Samudera Khagi?